#apparently i'm obsessed with eternal sunshine

[fridaysthe13th]

🩷 shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and list the first 10 songs that play, then tag 10 people 🩷

i was tagged by the lovely @kizzyedgelll <3

cruel summer - taylor swift

we can't be friends (wait for your love) - ariana grande

super - seventeen

favorite crime - olivia rodrigo

not my fault - reneé rapp and meg

true story - ariana grande

don't wanna break up again - ariana grande

the climb - miley cyrus

meet the plastics - reneé rapp

the feels - twice

tagging @zanephillips @nick-nellson @ncutisgatwas @hellboys @anthonysperkins @moonlight @ahsroanoke @benzatthanin @porsche-kinn @wiha-jun and anyone who wants to do it.

[defeateddetectives]

Pick and choose from the following :>

3 for k, 4, 6 for k, 6 for not k, 7, 12, 17, 19, 23, 25

gonna answer the unspecified ones for k as well bc i'm overjoyed about an excuse to choose violence about this (un)dead horse of a fandom over a decade later so thank u :D skipped 4, 19, & 25 bc nothing came to mind or i couldn't remember. rest under cut bc it got long rip

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr i do not have screenshots of any takes like 11 yrs later but i think everyone who had to put up with me circa 2k12 and the years onwards probably knew it was the whole ~mikoto only cared about one (1) person/thing and everything else was meaningless~ shtick -- the antithesis of which i apparently then made the hill i was gonna die on :)

honourable mention to that one arcade fire lyric being directly attributed to him as a quote as well though. like. what was that

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

look i am older and wiser than 11 years ago! i will let humans have complexities!!! i am friends with people who ship things i don't ship!!! all ships have rights i suppose!!! it's mktts*

*for legal reasons this is now a joke :')

for non-k...hmmm i remember v*ltron fandom reaching new heights of toxicity i'd never thought possible but i've fortunately eternal sunshined most of that from my memory now!

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

hmm i dont think hate is the right word. i think if anything, fandom 'flattened' how i saw some characters and i had to like sit with my interpretations in more or less a vacuum to figure them out when writing them. misaki and totsuka come to mind for obvious reasons bc they were so often only considered in the context of a ship and i've had to flesh them out in a way that make sense to me for a while. on the flipside, i couldn't stand the vast majority of the fanon takes on fushimi but he is SUCH a fun playground of a character in canon!

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

not unpopular as in disliked but more like overlooked - but i think more people should get obsessed with hidaka like me and then write me super niche hisaru fic!!!!! <3

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

it would be Really Nice if chiaki and i weren't pretty much carrying the mikoizu fandom on our backs :'))) but my running joke has always been that my relationship with that ship is their relationship with each other ie. IT'S ROTTEN WORK / NOT TO ME NOT IF IT'S THEM 😭

also obvs perpetually manifesting the great izumotatara takeover of 2kforever!!! lbr though i'd be delighted about new k content tailored to any of my biases in the year 2k24 (hint hint to anyone reading!)

23. ship you’ve unwillingly come around to

i wouldn't say 'unwillingly' (lol i feel like i'm answering all these questions Wrong) but once i had sufficient time and space, i do think i have much more appreciation for mktts and s*rumi dynamics and their emotional weight without the background noise of all no good very bad fandom takes in the fandom's heyday!

[saintlaurentproblems]

Im still dying at the fact that eternal sunshine is ethans initials and apparently his favorite movie like omg shes really going to die on this hill. 😭

Guys it's much more likely this title is related to her Jim Carrey obsession she's always loved this film let's not go there I'm begging

This is what I originally thought. Do not give Ethan credit for this please for the love of god

[luthienmpl]

Watching/Rewatching/Planning to Watch List

I was tagged for this weeks and weeks ago by @mellens but I kept not doing it because I was stuck in a MUST!FINISH!STICHING PROJECTS!!!! phase and was watching quite literally nothing at all except Critical Role (no need to read subtitles or even look at the video footage most of the time with that one), so my list would have been very uninteresting for readers and frustrating for me personally. However I have now FINISHED THE PROJECTS (YAAAAY!!!) and am trying to coax my brain out of hyper fixation mode and back into watching some stuff. I'm partially doing this post now to hold myself accountable, lest I end up just aimlessly scrolling through tumblr still not watching anything instead.

Watching:

Between Us: I'm uhhhh *checks Wabi Sabi page* in ep 4. I watched 4 1/4 probably like.... 3 weeks ago? I will start this ep over this week probably. I'm enjoying it so far and like many others, it gives me an urge to rewatch UWMA.

My Tooth Your Love: I had to log back into Viki to check where I was, that's how long it's been. Apparently I have watched eps 1-4. I watched this more casually while I was still keeping up with it but I do wanna know where they're going with bar-owner's trauma induced anxiety issues (literally I can't remember what anybody is called in this, it's been so long) so I'll probs pick it up again at some point.

Big Dragon: Gaga tells me the last ep I watched was ep 5. I did quite enjoy that one while it was going even though it's ridiculous, the problem is that I've been spoiled a lot with this one so there's less of an urgency to pick it up again. On the other hand there's only 3 episodes left so it still shouldn't be much of a problem to finish.

My School President: This is the first show I have picked up to get myself back into watching mode, I started it Friday night and caught up with it yesterday evening. It's very cute, and surprisingly I'm enjoying all of the singing so far.

Dropping: I was watching Remember Me and Eternal Yesterday before the big break but from what I've heard Remember Me has gone off the rails hard and Eternal Yesterday ended about as you'd expect so I think won't bother with either of them.

Re-watching: Bad Buddy. I ran out of Critical Role and I was obsessed with BBS enough while it was first released that I can just let that one run in the background without looking at it a lot and still follow what's happening. Ngl though, the evening that I hit the Rooftop Kiss not a lot of stitching got done.

Planning to Watch:

Those coffee shop shorts that Vibie is putting out: I loved GHGH and am not averse to seeing more of Boy and Tod (also i hear there's a GL ep!)

GAP: I WILL START IT TODAY. I WILL OKAY. LISTEN THE SHOW IS JUST.... !!GAP!! IN MY MIND OKAY IT'S LIKE A BIG DEAL SO THAT TRANSLATES INTO ME BEING RELUCTANT TO START IT FOR SOME REASON? I DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER BUT I'M STRUGGLING UGH IT'S LIKE

Never Let Me Go: I hated FUTS and dropped it halfway through but it's not like the bad writing was the actors' fault and I hear good things about this one so far, so yes.

609 Bedtime Stories: I'd like to see OhmFluke in something other than UWMA but the Sunshine Night one certainly Wasn't It so I'm hoping this one is at least a little better. It's low priority though, I'll get to it when (if) I'll get to it.

History 5: I was not impressed with H4 At All but, well. It's still History. I hear there's time travel involved somehow? At least that's creative.

I'm vaguely aware there's a couple Korean office ones floating about, I'll probs watch those ones eventually, but the Korean stuff is so short that half the ones I've watched had no emotional impact on me at all, so they're also low priority currently.

Feel free to leave recommendations in the notes, I'm pretty out of the loop and unaware of release dates atm.

As I feel like I'm the Last Fucking Person to do this and I know quite a lot of my long time mutuals have done their lists already, let's take this as an opportunity to get to know some newer follows a little better. So I'm tagging @boosnbugs, @aliceisathome and @chimerasinourskyline. Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna and sorry if you made a list already that I'm unaware of.

[sweethoneyrose83]

Nerdy Goth Girl Dialogue Prompts

"Oh, you're into horror movies? That's cute. Let me introduce you to some real nightmares. Ever heard of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari?"

"I'm not obsessed with death. I just think it’s fascinating how people spend their whole lives avoiding the inevitable."

"Did you know that Edgar Allan Poe was terrified of being buried alive? Imagine waking up in darkness and realizing you’ve been sealed away forever. Fun thought, right?"

"I was reading about the multiverse theory last night. Imagine—there’s a version of me out there that actually likes sunshine. Horrifying."

"So, is this your idea of flirting, or are you genuinely interested in discussing the finer points of Gothic architecture?"

"If you think my room is dark, wait until you see the abyss where I store my emotional attachments."

"Listen, I'm not saying curses are real, but if you suddenly feel like you're being watched tonight, don't say I didn't warn you."

"I actually find the sound of thunderstorms comforting. It’s like nature is finally expressing how I feel inside."

"I could explain the paradox of Schrödinger's cat, but that would require you to appreciate both metaphysics and the macabre."

"My favorite season? Autumn, obviously. Everything is slowly dying, and it’s beautiful."

"The concept of eternal life is cool and all, but if I had to spend it in fluorescent lighting? Pass."

"You know, the universe is constantly expanding. But it still can't contain how much I dislike small talk."

"People always say, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover,’ but let’s be honest—it’s the dark, leather-bound ones that have the best secrets."

"I’m like a black hole of useless trivia. Did you know a group of crows is called a murder? The goth aesthetic practically writes itself."

"Are you one of those people who think black is just a phase? Because I’ve been perfecting this look since middle school."

"Oh, this old necklace? It's not just a fashion statement—it’s also rumored to be cursed. But hey, I like a little danger."

"You can call it ‘creepy’ if you want, but I just think it’s efficient to plan my funeral playlist ahead of time."

"You say I'm morbid, I say I'm well-read. There's a difference, trust me."

"Not to be dramatic or anything, but if I could live in a crumbling Gothic mansion surrounded by ravens, I would."

"I just think there’s something inherently romantic about stargazing. You know, staring into the vast, cold void of space, realizing our insignificance… really sets the mood."

"Do you ever wonder if the universe is just an endless library of forgotten stories, each of us just a page about to turn?"

"People say 'embrace the darkness' like it’s an edgy trend, but I say it's better to invite it for tea and let it tell you its secrets."

"Goth isn't just about wearing black. It’s an aesthetic commitment to staying enchanted by the things most people are too afraid to understand."

"I don’t read tarot cards because I think they tell the future. I do it because they tell me the truth I’m not always ready to see."

"There’s something oddly comforting about stargazing. You look up at a vast, uncaring cosmos and think, ‘Yes, this is my aesthetic.’”

"Yeah, I collect old, dusty books with titles in Latin. But no, I’m not casting curses… not yet, anyway."

"I could’ve been anyone in any time. But apparently, fate chose to make me a walking vampire playlist in the year of our lackluster reality."

"Life is basically one giant 'Choose Your Own Adventure' book, but someone tore out all the pages with the happy endings."

"Call me morbid, but I like to imagine every shadow I see has its own little story. We’d all look a little closer if we thought shadows could feel."

"I’m a hopeless romantic, really. I just think love poems sound better when they’re whispered in graveyards."

"Some people see black as absence, but I think of it as potential. Like, what do you want to fill that void with?"

"People call it morbid curiosity; I call it appreciating the part of life no one else wants to think about."

"I’d say I’m a realist, but realists don’t usually hang around places that remind them life’s a fleeting speck of dust in an indifferent universe."

"Sure, my room might look like a museum exhibit on Gothic literature and existential dread, but you can’t tell me it doesn’t have style."

"People always think goths are lonely. It’s more like we’re friends with the parts of life most people are scared to look at."

[caffernnn]

Haru’s hopelessness - an extensive rambling.

Watchers of Free! Eternal Summer - y’all remember this moment, right? 

Throughout S2, as some of the boys now have to seriously think about their lives and paths after high school, Haru struggles to think past what he’s always known: swimming for his friends/himself, eating mackerel, and being free. Things arguably take a darker turn once Haru cannot run from the question anymore and breaks, lashing out at Rin and saying he doesn’t have a dream or a future. 

There are so many things that can be unpacked from this quote alone, and my thoughts on the matter will probably be sporadic, but here are a few key things I’d like to try diving into in this post:

My interpretation of Haru’s, Makoto’s, and Rin’s characters’ mindsets

What Haru is likely trying to say

How Makoto and Rin interpret his words (based on their mindsets and experiences)

I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on it all as well, so please feel free to add on :)

DISCLAIMER: This post will reference material outside of S2 itself to explain my insight/interpretation of the characters (S1 episodes, High Speed novel), but I won’t be putting full links to all of those materials in this post. If you’d like a specific link to anything I’m referencing, let me know and I can try to dig one up.

When first hearing Haru say that he doesn’t have a dream or a future, it is shocking and concerning, especially to his friends. However, as broken as lost as Haru is in this moment, the weight of his words and what he’s verbally trying to convey is most likely different than what his friends hear. I feel as if a big reason for this comes down to the different ways the characters perceive time and approach general goal-setting. 

Here is a video that can give a frame of reference for what I mean by “time perception,” but I’ll still try to explain my thinking ---> https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJsdVUhu/

Rin and Haru butt heads on many occasions throughout the series due to having opposing characteristics and approaches to life. The big difference that comes into play during S2 is how they both approach goal-setting and time. As soon as we’re introduced to Rin, it becomes apparent that he is someone who is a visionary that has always set his sights on the future. From boldly proclaiming his Olympic goals in elementary school to encouraging their team to put their relay trophy into a time capsule, Rin establishes himself early on as a dreamer that puts his all into his long-term goals. Being someone who thinks about things in this manner isn’t inherently good or bad, but it does lend a hand to many of the issues we see Rin go through in S1 (having tunnel vision on his goal that isolates him from his friends, being prone to catastrophize when confronted with road blocks along the way [like when he breaks down after losing to Haru in middle school], etc.). However, all of that dreaming puts him at an advantage now when preparing to move forward into post-high-school life. He has a frame of reference for most of his next steps (winning races, talking to scouts), and now he just has to make it a reality.

Haru, in essence, lives his life in the moment. If he wants to swim, he’ll try to swim; if he wants mackerel, he’ll try to make mackerel. He lets the people around him (usually Makoto) worry about the possible consequences for his actions (swimming too early in spring might get him sick, swimming in a fish tank might get him kicked out of XYZ place, cooking mackerel after a long bath might make him late for school, etc.). The way he thinks about all of his “tomorrows” beyond acting freely on impulse is through having a consistent routine or norm to cling onto. When swimming, he’ll swim freestyle. When given a choice, he’ll default to eating mackerel. He’ll find a way to get in a swim or a bath most days because water is safe. He’ll walk with Makoto to and from school, sticking to the side of the path closest to the ocean and anticipating sharing the same split popsicle. This is about as much thought as he lends to the future, usually: he’ll keep doing the things that make him happy and comfortable, whatever that’ll mean to him in the moment. In opposition of Rin, this frame of mind based in immediacy and short-term goals helps him in S1 (teaching Rin to appreciate the moment, connecting with his friends, not getting lost in the overly analytical or competitive side of swimming), but it makes the challenges that come with his looming graduation in S2 much harder to cope with. 

The reason that it’s important to understand how both Haru and Rin frame their perceptions of time is because it plays right into what Haru is saying during their argument. He is frustrated with Rin because Rin doesn’t understand the way Haru thinks/lives moment-to-moment (he yells as much in this fight) and he is tired of hearing people for years try and push him into long-term thinking about his future when he doesn’t naturally approach life that way. Think back to one of the first things Haru said in S1: 

“When you're ten, they call you a prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person. About three years until I'm ordinary. Man... I can't wait to be ordinary.”

Because of Haru’s swimming abilities, people have looked at him as a prodigy and have had their own visions about his potential or his future ever since he was young. Even if it seems like flattery, Haru feels boxed in by all of this. Being considered a prodigy comes with expectations that put him on a pedestal he never asked to be placed on -- if he’s going to swim, he’s expected to swim well; if he swims well, he’s expected to capitalize on his abilities in a competitive manner or expand his horizons to other forms of swimming; if he’s going to live his life tied to the water, people view him as a swimmer before they view him as anything/anyone else. Haru has been frustrated with all of this since he was younger (as expressed in S1), but it gets even worse as people close in on Haru from all sides with advice and sentiments that compound in Haru’s head as belonging to the echo chamber he hates so much. 

So... what does this all mean in relevance to Haru saying he doesn’t have a dream or a future? Here’s my line of thinking: all of the internalized frustration Haru has with long-term thinkers (from his perspective) speaking over him and not taking time to understand his in-the-moment intuition-led mindset comes out in this line. What Haru is trying to say is that he doesn’t have a detailed long-term plan because he isn’t a romantic visionary like Rin. He wants to stick with his relatively free lifestyle (y’know, the one where he can do what he wants, but still ultimately sticks to a routine) because he sees no point in forcing himself to put effort into big changes if 1) he’s satisfied and 2) the system isn’t broken.*

*we learn later, especially through Haru and Makoto’s later fight, that these two points are up for debate, but this is what Haru has convinced himself to believe at the time of this specific confrontation.

However, with the way Haru vocalizes this frustration, it is vague enough that Rin and the others hear something much different. It’s written right on their faces. Like I mentioned earlier, being a long-term thinker prone to catastrophizing, Rin interprets (and possibly misconstrues) Haru’s words to mean that he doesn’t think he has the potential or abilities to strive for something. Rin feels Haru’s words like a punch to the gut because he relates Haru’s hopelessness to the times he has felt lost and hopeless, like when defeat after defeat led to him breaking down after his middle school race with Haru. It’s shocking and it stings for Rin to hear, because as much as he’s learned to believe in himself and his own future, he’s also held onto those dreams and hope for his friends. I’ll admit, his dedication and borderline obsession with swimming lends to him mostly vocalizing the dreams he has for his friends that are related to swimming (Makoto and Haru getting scouted, Sousuke returning to swimming), but the love is still there. 

The idea of long-term vs short-term thinkers I’ve presented isn’t completely dichotomous or black-and-white, even though Haru and Rin tend to fall on the far opposite sides of the proposed spectrum. So, where does someone like Makoto fall? 

Makoto is an interesting case. From how I’ve come to understand his character, I would say he also looks to the future, albeit in less idealistic or extreme ways than Rin. Makoto’s forward line of thinking presents itself through both his people-pleasing tendencies and his caring disposition. When Makoto interacts with people, he is often observant and calculating, trying to figure out how he can navigate a conversation in the most complimentary or polite manner. This ability and tendency to understand/empathize with others ties into a lot of the roles he takes on: team captain, big brother, part-time position as a swim coach, full-time position as Haru’s impulse control... he is inclined to think about the future and all of the possible consequences for his actions. This also ties into some of the other things we know Makoto’s character for, such as being a scaredy-cat (aka, someone who overthinks consequences in fear of the unknown) and a ray of sunshine (aka, someone who wants to see the best in people and holds onto optimism/hope for the people he loves, even if it sometimes means not saving enough for himself and his own abilities). 

Despite being more of a forward-thinker, Makoto has definitely been influenced by his close relationship with Haru. Makoto has spent most of his life observing and learning how to read Haru, and it has been shown time and time again that Makoto is one of the people (if not, the person) that understands Haru best. He understands that Haru values the freedom of choice and harbors a desire for unconditional appreciation. He understands that Haru puts stock in consistency/reliability and needs time and space to process or reflect when life deviates from that carefully-crafted norm. Makoto’s actions towards Haru over the years all reflect him trying to be respectful of these observations. Even when he can tell something is bothering Haru, Makoto tries to let Haru work it out on his own first, not prodding him for information but letting his presence/support be known all the same. I digress, being best friends, their lives and routines are tightly woven together. Because of this, Makoto spends a lot of time also living in-the-moment with Haru -- he is a large proponent in Haru’s “free” lifestyle. 

Since Makoto has a foot in both Haru and Rin’s respective worlds, how does he interpret Haru’s declaration that he doesn’t have a dream or a future? Surely, since he understands Haru and his position so well and has always been respectful of his mindset/wishes, he gets what Haru is trying to say... right? 

Unfortunately for Haru (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), Makoto is immediately concerned by those words in a way similar to Rin. Like I mentioned earlier, Makoto holds deep optimism and hope in his chest for all of the people he cares about. Even though he never forced lofty expectations onto Haru to swim or be anything other than himself, he still holds so much care and hope for his best friend. For Makoto to hear that Haru might not have that faith in himself or the belief that he is worth a bright future, it breaks his heart. Similar to Rin, he is probably thinking back to his own moments of hopelessness, and I can’t help but think back to the lost and scared Makoto fighting with himself during the middle school days. When entering middle school, Makoto struggles with his identity, trying to figure out just how dependent he is on Haru’s friendship. One of his darkest moments in my mind comes from Chapter 8 of the High Speed! 2 novel, when Makoto is beating himself up especially hard after being frozen by his fear of the ocean yet again. Haru finds Makoto alone on a secluded part of the shore, where he says this:

“Will I be alright even if Haru isn’t here? …..I wanted to make sure of that.”

Raising his eyebrows, he shows a lonely smile. Makoto was fighting all along. He was suffering, all along. In a place where Haruka’s thoughts couldn’t possibly reach... 

“Would Haru be alright even if I weren’t here?”

If Makoto’s internal struggles throughout their middle school days reveal anything, it is that Makoto has experienced a hopelessness that he wouldn’t ever wish on his friends. To think that Haru might now be at war with himself in a way that makes him question his own place in the world, his future... it is the ultimate catalyst for Makoto to step in and try to talk to Haru. Sadly, we all remember how that confrontation went...

ENTER: THE FIREWORKS FIGHT (S2E11)

(Since this post is already super long, I might go more into my thoughts on how this all plays into the misunderstandings about the fireworks fight in a separate post. We’ve talked about the fight at length on multiple occasions and you can definitely find my thoughts on the matter if you look under the “#fireworks angst night” or “#meta” tags on my profile.)

If you’ve made it this far into the post, thanks for sticking with me. I’d love to hear about how you interpreted Haru’s words or how you think the others took in his breakdown.